Sitting in my boyfriends bed – he’s upstairs watching soccer – usually I sit with him and watch but tonight a strange feeling came over me so I’ve come downstairs to write.
I do miss my ex husband sometimes. Like right now, listening to music that we discovered together and loved. Songs we sang to over a glass of wine while I was cooking and he sat on the kitchen counter next to me. The two of us giggling over something and his smile stained a purplish, red from the wine. I do miss those moments.
And I think thats ok and I think its ok to admit it.
For the first time in possibly my whole life, there has been a month where I didn’t stress financially. I’ve never been more secure in myself as I am right now – I finally went back to the gym last week and have stopped eating cake on a daily basis lol.
Things are good.
Of course things with A are perfect. Its been over a year and some how he is still the most incredible person I have ever met and I fall more and more in love with him every day – I know how cliche that sounds! But its true.
So do I miss my ex husband sometimes? Ye of course I do. Is it a big deal however? No, of course not.
Thanks to everyone who still follows and thank you to the new followers that I have gained during my absence – Its been 3 months.
I’ve started a blog for my business and it would mean the world to me if all my loyal followers could check it out 🙂
NEW BLOG FOR THE BUSINESS
You guys have been with me through it all. Through the divorce and the eating disorder and when I decided to start the business. Through this blog I have received so much help with my anxiety especially with everyones comments and posts about their own struggles. I really hope that you will all continue to keep following me on this journey 🙂
A, my boyfriend, for those of you who forgot haha – came home with me to my family for Christmas and it was so wonderful. We’re still together and its been a year guys 🙂 and I fall more and more in love with him even day – I know how cliche that sounds, but its true.
My business is doing well 🙂
It feels like things are going slowly – but they actually aren’t if I look back. If I look back to 3 months ago when I did my last post a lot has happened. And it seems like my business has actually just grown overnight.
- I’ve moved into a new studio and its marvelous
- I got into my first store – and thats why I have been so quiet. I had to design an A/W collection and send all the samples for review and then they liked me 🙂 so I am supplying them for winter for my winter collection. Which is huge because this store holds a lot of the top designers in the country, SA, and to showcase my clothing alongside them is such a blessing.
- I’ve become a huge advocate for the fashion revolution and I’m the official face of the Fashion Revolution at Fashion Week SA which is in a weeks time – this is so super exciting!
- My brother got married and I made my sister in laws dress and she looked absolutely stunning 🙂
Thats about it 🙂 and my hair os blonde now and I still struggle with food and have been to the gym about 5 times this year…eeek
I promise to try my best to post more regularly!
Thats pretty much all my focus at the moment.
There really is nothing more I want than to get this winter collection into stores
Its my ex husbands birthday today and I didn’t say Happy Birthday.
Last year I did, and he said I sent him into a dark depression just by hearing my voice. So this years I completely avoided contact at all costs.
I hope he had a fabulous day however!
Its exactly a year to the day that my divorce decree was granted in the courts and all was finalized.
I was standing on a mountain in Mossel Bay with N and we kissed and he said ‘Here’s to no longer living in adultery’ and we laughed and hugged.
Then it was over.
Just like that – a judge signs the papers and 3.5 years is dissolved – just like that.
But that was me today lol
I only showered at about 16h00. I spent the day on the floor outside – because it was so fucking hot today. Working and making smoothies every time I got hungry because I only have yogurt and fruit in my house. Listening to the water feature outside my uncles front door and in the background hearing the cleaning lady singing along to Lorde’s Royals, in the background.
Two clothing boutiques have got back to me and I spent my whole day making catalogues and working on a presentation for them.
If this deal comes through for me – I will literally be over the moon. I swear, I will jump over the moon. Thats just how happy I will be.
I have just released the lookbook for my latest collection and I hate it.
It isn’t nearly as good as my last collection – it isn’t getting as many likes and people aren’t contacting me.
Who am I kidding to think I can even be a fashion designer? That I can actually make money off this? That people will actually wear my clothes.
I am heading down a negative spiral!
Of course I know how unhealthy these thoughts are and that I need to be kind to myself – but the anxiety is just taking over.
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