How typical, the second you start getting comfortable and you embrace the liberating fact that you are single – you meet the perfect stranger. It’s so typical, you make peace with yourself and you accept what has happened and you make a pact with yourself to focus on yourself and not to move quickly and not to get involved.
Then all of a sudden you find yourself on a couch lying on a mans chest, just four green eyes and you feel like you staring into their soul and you just let go and you just be you and you kiss him. Because if somebody’s got soul, you’ve gotta make a move.
And now I find myself under a tree in the park writing in a journal feeling like a 13 year old girl that just kissed a boy for the first time and I’m just filled with emotion and the words just flow and its becoming more like a creative writing piece pouring out my soul than a journal entry.
As we lay side by side, carried only by the time, we start to come alive. I was spinning around in your arms, took a breath and breathed you in and we start to come alive. We’ve got to keep on moving on and on, we’ve got to keep moving on to stay strong.
Like in a dream we were flying high, lost all thoughts in your eyes, laying side by side, sadness subsides and hope collides. As the sun came shining in from outside, we started to come alive.
Last night was a pleasant surprise. Someone i met in May and didn’t even see, I saw him , but I didn’t see into his eyes. Last night like spirits we just connected. It was warm in his arms and it was warm to feel his touch. Gentle soft kisses all over my body and deep eyes that tell a thousand stories.
I was so nervous touching him, so scared of being close to him. I lay in his arms and questioned myself, he was on my side and I felt him hold me in his eyes. I thought to slow down, but my heart kept saying ‘go, go,go’.
Papers aren’t signed, his friend has died and there’s him and there’s her. But somehow it all was lost in a sea of his touch. He was on my side and it felt right. We both thought slow down but we just grew closer now. And now all I want is to hold him when this is all done and over. I know we don’t have time on our side, but he’s on my mind.
Deep in the core of a broken one I felt we could keep drowning in each other. Somehow out the corner of my eye I try keep myself from drowning in this all, I have a will to stay and a will to stand still. I broke the rules and I listened to my own skin. I’m trying not to drown, but like I told him, we cant fight it if we don’t know what it is. I don’t know what it is, but I know its something, I feel its something.
I felt so much trust again, I felt hope again, I felt appreciated again. His hands on me, I felt beautiful again and he felt beautiful to me. I am scared, I am horrified, I am hopeful, I am excited, I am so cautious and I am crying for the first time. And I cry my tears for me. Tears of love and tears of hope and tears of complete fear. Small droplets fall off my cheeks in the park on Sunday, staring at the paper and the ink and smiling. I feel hope again. And I want him to hear me when I say that its been so long since i’ve felt this way. It felt so crystal and so clean in his eyes. And when his heart feels sick, I want to take his hand and hold it.
But we’ve got to keep on moving on and on. Moving on towards each other or away from each other. We’ve got to keep moving on and on. I know as much and I know that no matter what, he has given me hope again…