Welcome back focus and concentration, i have missed you – Day 24

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I have finally stopped forgetting things, I can actually focus at work for the first time in a while and I am becoming so much more present in every aspect of my life. Today work was actually good and it was exciting and it was busy. For so many months I was unhappy at work because I was panicking so much about money because my husband made me feel guilty every time he spent money on me. Dinner became awkward, speaking about health insurance became awkward and it was obviously not particularly fun being told that he paid for our house. And it was not grey being told that I was a child that needed to be entertained all the time. I don’t know if I ever mentioned this but he literally once told me he feels like he needs to constantly give me a lollipop or something just to keep me preoccupied. And we only saw each other after like 8 at night? So confused, childish little me.

I work for a small business, we growing and there isn’t much money floating around. I however really love my job and I love the people I work with. I know I could potentially work elsewhere and earn double but I know I wont be able to be as creative as I am now and I wont be exposed to so many different aspects of the industry and I wont have so much flexibility. Most importantly I cant imagine working with a more incredible team.

So for the first time in months I am actually just enjoying work and ironically I am going to get a raise this month! Whoohoo! I will still be earning peanuts, but at least a few more peanuts. I obviously have a lot more responsibilities now as I pay my own insurance and will have to pay my own rent soon instead of sharing and then I obviously have to deal with my car that always has some issue and then there are those unexpected expenses like when your stupid phone screen cracks. Also there is the fact that I just love shopping, and I love spending money – it is a huge problem that I seriously need to work on lol, in time.

Anyway, I’m feeling positive. I feel like I will get by, and its nice to not have to worry about someone telling me constantly that they pay for everything. It’s nice to be able to do whatever I want and just spend all my money on myself in any way that I want!

Speaking of money – things are tight at the moment and whenever things get tight I think of selling my wedding rings haha. Its such a big decision though, where do you sell them? You will never get the mount of money that they actually worth and I could melt them down and make a new piece of jewellery but that seams like so much admin right now. So for now they still in a lipstick case in my bed side cupboard. I actually looked at them yesterday and put them on – and I didn’t cry like a baby, I just smiled at how beautiful they are.

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