Chemicals – Day 2

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I forgot to take my medication two days in a row, hence feeling chemically depressed. I forgot but I also forgot on purpose? If that makes sense.

Now I feel even worse because I am horrified of being off medication.

And I feel so depressed and numb. I thought that is what the medication does? Clearly that is the way I feel when I am off the medication? The medication is actually helping me deal with it all and feel. Oh my gosh, this is so depressing.

I know I wont be on the medication for much longer. I’ve walked this road before and then I thrived for 6 years without medication. I merely just have to walk this path ahead, though with a new set of eyes, I just need to walk it again and I will reach the light at the end of this fight.

This however is one of the things that makes this the most painful and irritating and debilitating experiences of my whole situation. I thought I was finished with medication and therapy and mental illness and shit! But you clearly never are. You never ever stop learning and life never ever stops throwing you curve balls because the simple truth is that life doesn’t care about you 🙂 or me or anyone else. Life just happens and we just have to roll with the punches.

We just have to make sure that we make the most of it and appreciate it and experience the journey and don’t take it so seriously.

I ate two brownies today and an insane amount of Lindt chocolate balls – Who the fuck cares. Its just sugar and its just an eating disorder and its just trauma. Everybody has their shit. Who the fuck cares. Just keep going. And just keep enjoying those Lindt chocolates – JUST IN MODERATION – and in balance. Lets not destroy ourselves now, but lets just stop being so fucking serious for a second!

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