I want to climb into a ball and be held and sleep…- Day 12


I went to drop off my divorce settlement and then on my way back to work I binged on 2 brownies, a piece of apple pie, a packet of chocolate chuckles and a another mint chocolate.

I will not purge.

I will not purge.

I think I want to be hugged.

I hate this illness. I hate this eating disorder. It’s times like these that I feel I will never be able to escape it. It will be ingrained in me forever- which is true- I just need to learn to handle it and not let it control me. But it’s times like these that I think to myself ‘fuck it’ and the eating disorder wins and I am left guilt ridden and feeling like a complete failure.

I’m a bit anxious because I still haven’t heard from my friend. There is really nothing I can do but wait until she is ready to speak to me, but I can’t help myself worrying.

I’m feeling so very despondent today. And I am getting a cold so my throat is sore and my nose is runny and I just want to sleep and now I am so full I just want to climb into a ball and cry and sleep.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

w

Connecting to %s