Last night I went to bed at 7pm and it was amazing. I slept like a baby and woke up feeling so refreshed this morning.
Brunch with my friend this morning was lovely and all is forgiven and we back to normal again which is great because that was causing me so much anxiety!
I b/p in the afternoon while I was watching girls – 4 bowls of cereal. I didn’t even fight it. I sat there and I just let it be and was like ‘maybe this is just where I am supposed to be right now’ and so I just did it and ate another bowl and another and another. I sat trying to analyse the feelings and get to the root and I wasn’t getting anywhere so I just said fuck it.
Then I felt ok for the rest of the afternoon and he came to visit and we had drinks with my aunt and uncle and it was so lovely. And then I feel so silly for having such an anxious afternoon when there is so much loveliness all around me. I then feel so silly that my moods and thoughts can be so extreme and so irrational and so erratic and non consistent.
Tomorrow will be better. I want to get back to writing in my food diary tomorrow and make a conscious effort to eat balanced and nourish my body. I am doing so much damage right now to my body, the only place I can call home. One step at a time and one day at a time.