Home is where the heart is – Day 25 – DAY 50

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You guys, Part II is already over. These past 50 days have flown by so quickly.

The last 25 days have been very up and down!

Today was wonderful – I’m at home with my family on my parents farm and it has been absolutely wonderful. The picture above is of my brother and I this afternoon on the lawn drinking wine and beers.

This weekend was just what I needed after all the mixed emotions I’ve been experiencing lately.

I actually ate balanced today which was lovely – I was practicing serious awareness. Had such a great time. This morning went around the farm for a nice long walk with my mom and then we had brunch and then relaxed in the garden followed by nap time and then drinks and dinner. It was so wonderful.

I am really anxious to go back home tomorrow. Work has been weird. Friday I was in such a strange mood. I thought that getting a raise at work would motivate me and make me excited again, but strangely enough – it excited me for a day and then it didn’t. Just about two weeks ago I was so happy at work and now lately I just feel that I am not being challenged at all anymore. I feel that I am not growing in the job and my boss is getting on my nerves. I know this is all natural – work cant go well all the time, there are always ups and downs. I just get a tad nervous because when I was in therapy when I was 19 many things changed.

And now things are changing… you get divorced, you relapse into an eating disorder, life turned upside down – you start to view your life in a complete different way.

The last time I was in therapy, I started to feel incredibly unmotivated in the course I was studying – I was 19 at the time and I changed to a complete different course. Now I am feeling the same way as I did then. Work isn’t as fulfilling, I am not feeling challenged – feels like the same thing over and over again. My boss was talking about me becoming partner in the business – but nothing ever gets set in stone. I got a raise but she isn’t sure if the raise will take effect at the end of October or the end of November – which isn’t very stable. I still don’t pay tax because she hasn’t registered me. I still have to ask my parents to help me out financially – and my boss doesn’t see this as a big deal as her parents helped her financially until she was about 35. I however just cant cant keep asking my mum for money – I think its time to grow up.

So tomorrow I back home to the city and then on Tuesday I have a meeting with her. I am not sure what the meeting is even about as she called it, but we shall see.

Either way, I am going to try and work hard this week and really focus on work and balnce in my life. Really try to eat balanced, go to gym and do yoga at night like I used to. Be more aware – try take the hard way out and be aware and journal and be strong instead of b/p or letting the anxiety take its toll on me.

Heres to a great next 25 days!

Feeling optimistic!

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