I have been eating really well this week, I however have been feeling a binge coming on. So this morning I had two bowls of granola instead of one, lunch I had salmon and salad and at around 4 when I got home I had five bowls of granola and purged 😦 so I naturally didn’t have dinner after that.
So I took a nap and when I awoke I was thinking about the divorce and how it affected me, but more so how it affected my family. I will never forget standing outside the mall in the parking lot, my mom and dad were on their way back home after we had packed up my whole house. I was so fragile, so thin and deep into the depression. I hugged my mom and dad goodbye and my mom cried and I cried and then my dad cried. I’d only seen my dad cry a hand full of times before, first his mum passed away when I was 5, when I was about 16 we were all at home and he cried because of how beautiful the song ‘good bye to a river’ by Don Henley, when I was 21 and our dog tequila died, when he was in ICU, my sisters wedding, my wedding and that day in the parking lot holding me. My mom and dad and me clinging onto each other tightly and crying and they kept saying ‘you have to be strong my girl, you have to be strong’ and I was just collapsing, collapsing into my parents arms. My dad had his strong arms around my mom and I and we both cried leaving black traces of mascara all over his powder blue shirt.
I had a glass of wine outside and there was a slight breeze stinging my cheeks and I sat for about an hour listening to the trees in the wind and the cars passing by. Wrapped up with my knees in my hoodie. Me and my wine and my thoughts in what I realise is my happy place. Sitting quietly and being grateful and being calm, thinking about how loved I am and about how incredible my life has become after all the turmoil.
Then He called and I went over to his house and we just chilled and went to sleep at about nine and chatted about our holiday. It’s just a week and we’ll be on the sunny beach, I cannot wait! Things were really nice and relaxed last night – I think keeping my distance must have worked. I really like him. I really want to stay in this relationship and I want it to blossom, but we shall see, its not about the outcome, its about the journey. For now, being with him is magical.