Slept over at his house last night and then went to gym this morning, stopped at home on my way to work to grab some breakfast because I have no money so I can’t buy breakfast! Landed up binging on 3 bowls of granola, WHY?
Leave me alone bulimia.
My thighs are touching, when I walk I can feel it and it revolts me and then I say to myself ‘love yourself’. It doesn’t really work, but I am trying at least. I am not my shell – I have been at so many weight points this year and none of my relationships have changed. No one has even mentioned my weight really, not many have even noticed. It truly is just me that judges myself so harshly and is so critical.
So tonight I went to a memorial party in the park for my aunts mum, she passed away during the week and she was such a lovely lady. She was 93. I can picture her smile, she had terrible Alzheimer’s so every time she saw me, which was weekly, she would say I have grown into such a lovely young lady and she cant believe its been about 5 years since she saw me 🙂 she was so sweet. We had a really lovely time having wine and pizza and telling stories and catching up with family.
After the memorial I went to a party with my friend Andrew ( which I feel really guilty about because I feel like I should spend the night with Him) because we always hang out on weekends. I’m so torn. I don’t know why even. I am totally trying to be a man about it and not panic like a little girl. The party was amazing, I met so many lovely people it was really fun! Andrew and I also kissed, we were drunk and it was nice and then he asked to go upstairs and I said no – because I really didn’t want to, because I don’t like him in that way and because that would have just been mean because I would be leading him on. So we just went back to the party and chilled.