Ok this morning, decided, done deal, I am going to the kibbutz for January and February next year and I send all my details in. Excited, liberated, scared and hopeful. This is what I am doing.
I am doing this for me, I am not doing this for anyone else. I have realised that He is not going to ask me to be his girlfriend, he is not going to ask me to New York and it is actually quite clear that he is not ready for this relationship. He has made it so clear, but because I am so dazzled by him I always focus on the moment when I am with him and I present and it is wonderful so I get swept up and I forget about myself and that I am falling down a well.
Ok so decided.
Hello future, lets do this, hop a plane.
Its 01h00 and I just got home from the most magical date. Yup. Danielle has gone and put herself first and said ‘fuck it’ and decided to just forget about relationships and just explore and live. Which typically, ignorantly I should actually have known this would happen because it always does. The minute I decide to make a massive change just for me and I am confident and I forget about everything and everyone and I am just content with everything. IT CHANGES!
Sitting on the floor in the book store waiting to hear where I should meet him, he came in and we hugged and it was over. From there it was downhill. We laughed until our stomachs hurt, we ran through the mall, we played in an arcade, I hid away from him and he found me. We had milkshake (when last did you have a milkshake) and we had dinner, we kissed at the fountain, we pretended we had been married for 50 years, he told me my eyes sparkled, literally sparkled and I was pretty, we kissed in the restaurant and he said he liked the taste of my skin. We didn’t place orders for our food, we asked the waiter to simply surprise us. It was an adventure.
His name is Rick and I am going to dinner with him on Wednesday again.
I am so shocked.
I am so confused.
I am stuck in a pickle.