I cannot be smoted, I am unsmotable – Day 9

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I slept with my ex husband.

Honestly it was for my ego. I didn’t feel anything emotionally.

It was more of a ‘poor poor you’ and sympathy sex. I’m going to do this one last time, to make you miss me even more. To make you feel even worse and realise what you lost.

It was liberating and I felt powerful and that causes some shame – but at the same time I feel completely indifferent.

I felt in control.

Much like my eating disorder – I feel in control. I yearn for control. I don’t want to let go and I don’t want anyone to tell me what to do. I want to control everything.

I felt sad about Andrew however…

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