Woke up at 6am but just kept going back to sleep until 10:30am.
Finally forced myself to get out of bed. I haven’t showered, I didn’t even bother to wash my face.
I’m in a cafe having a cup of coffee and a scone with cheese, jam and cream. Next I plan to have the cheesecake and I want to take a piece of chocolate cake home with me. My plan is to purge when I get home. I hope I don’t.
Forcing back tears in the cafe, because I honestly don’t know how to control myself around food, I honestly don’t know how I am ever going to survive without Mia. We keep getting back together.
I feel numb and hollow and scared.
I am getting sucked back into bulimias strong claws and I think I like it. It’s as if a safety blanket has been thrown over me and its warm inside. It’s the two of us in our little world again…and I’m afraid to leave and I’m afraid I will never leave. I keep coming back to her, she keeps catching me when I fall. It’s comfortable and it’s familiar.
