I binged and purged in the shower, for the first time in a while – it felt good. I have reached the point where I stick my hand down my throat because my gag reflex is non existent. A bit graphic I know, but its graphic when you stepping on your own vomit trying to force it down the showers drain.
I came home to my parents this morning, to say good bye to them before I leave. My mom sheds tears even speaking about my trip. It still pains her so much to think about the past year. The wounds are all still very fresh for her, she still sees me crying on the bathroom floor, vomiting because of stress, not sleeping and sitting in a state of shock on a daily basis. She is so proud of how far I have come and how much better I am. As a mother however, I think that love kicks in and it takes over, it’s primal in a way, once you have harmed a mothers child she probably won’t ever forgive you.
Often times my mom and dad will both say ‘he must not think we done with him’ when they speak about my ex husband. They would never do or say anything, but they haven’t let go. I don’t know if they ever will. They will forgive and move on, but the pain will still sting like a fresh wound when the thought crosses their mind.