After all, how can you run away from what’s inside you? – Day 17

  
I want to binge and purge and sleep and repeat this cycle continuously. 

This morning I walked into the desert and sat in a tiny bit of shade and thought about what if life just stopped. If it all just ended. I ended. 

No more fear and anxiety. No more feelings of inadequacy and hatred for myself. No more feeling like a burden to my family. My parents wouldn’t have to dish out money to their daughter that is just never going to grow up, the daughter with no direction, failing at everything. 

Just ending everything. 

I guess I came to Israel to escape this and it followed me because it is me. 

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