The moment I binged and purged at their wedding I knew that things had fallen apart. We spent the whole wedding arguing.
‘Thats the way a bride is supposed to act, she isn’t saying a speech and she isn’t taking over the wedding, her family isn’t taking over the wedding’ he said.
And all I could do was nod.
‘This is the way a wedding is supposed to be’ my husband said while nodding his head furiously. ‘I’m still so embarrassed by the way your family just ruled the wedding, how nobody included me and nobody consulted me or cared about me at my own wedding.’
‘I still can’t believe you did this to me Danielle, I still can’t believe how you emasculated me.’
And again I just nodded and apologised profusely.
‘We can never get that night back. We’ll never be able to have it back, the most important day of our lives and you ruined it!’
Every second I could get away from him and the blaming I would suddenly find myself at the desserts, binging on everything and anything I could find. Running downstairs into the fields and into the darkness and purging. Tears running my cheeks and my face stoning from the cold and I was purging. I would go to the bathroom and freshen up and go back upstairs to the reception and the cycle would begin again. And all the time through the purging I just kept saying to myself ‘You falling apart Danielle, You are falling apart, ’
I cannot fathom how blessed I am and how content I feel right now…