Warm – Day 11 


Last night A and I went out for the most lovely dinner. He kept telling me that I looked extremely beautiful and we laughed and we kissed and we went to a bar afterwards for a drink and it was magical. Just being with him is enough and more than I could ask for. His company and his warmth. 

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I’m too old for this shit – Day 10 


A’s mother knocked on the door while we were having sex and then we obviously stopped and jumped under the covers and then she came in. Fucking awkward…
I have never had a problem with the fact that he lives with his parents. My friends have asked me if I don’t find it strange because every time I go there I spend some time with his parents. Then I’m sleeping in his room and it’s like his parents know what we doing. It didn’t bother me. 
But this morning…
It was strange, I shouldn’t feel awkward.

I’ve never done this. I went to boarding school at the age of 6, then in university I lived alone and then I lived with my husband. I never dated a guy who lived with his parents and if he did then we spent most time at my house. This is new pretty much and so I guess I don’t know how to feel about it. 

I guess I just feel that it would be nice to be alone with him…

Heartbreak – Day 9

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My friend.

My best friend since I was nine years old – the one I surprised for her birthday. She has broken up with her boyfriend of 10 years and all I want to do is hold her.

All the dreams and hopes shattered. Just like I did, she has to move out, she doesn’t have much money and her world has shattered.

I wish I could take all the pain away.

Tatoo regret? – Day 6

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Don’t get me wrong. I love my tattoos.

However, I find myself becoming incredibly insecure about the tattoo on my arm because it is so visible and I have seen some not so positive reactions from friends and family about it. I find myself trying my best to hide it lately.

I know I shouldn’t care because if I like it then that is all that matters. But I cant help shame spiralling and feeling ashamed and wanting it gone.

I don’t know.

It isn’t going anywhere sooo…

Baby smiles – Day 5

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Another one of my best friends who we visited today is pregnant 🙂

We extending our family and my I couldn’t be happier. We looked at her ultrasound and my heart skipped a beat.

It is as if my soul is smile.

I will admit that being with her and her husband today did tug on my heart strings a little. She got married 6 months after I did and we always spoke about being pregnant together. It did bring back memories of all the hopes and dreams I had of having a family and a life with my ex husband. When I open the kitchen cupboards I find myself wishing that I had a home with kitchen cupboards instead of my tiny space I have. I wish I had a guest room and a living room and a room to share with the one I love.

One day…