Oh come on – Day 18

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My car broke down!

And it cost a fortune to fix it and I of course don’t have any money seeing as I spent my money on galavanting through Israel. So my parents had to help me out and then the voices started:

‘You will never amount to anything, you will never have enough money to pay for things like a real adult.’

‘You will always need someone to bail you out, you are a burden.’

And so on and so forth.

Also a few days ago, A told me that something sounded funny when I start my car and I should be safe and call him if I need help. Well I wanted to call him today but I didn’t. I instead just figured it out and organised the tow truck to collect me and found a mechanic and so on. Because I don’t want any favours from anyone because I feel that if someone helps me out I will have to repay them and I am honestly just not up for that.

My ex husband always made me feel guilty when he helped me out and made me feel that I had to repay him and I just can’t seem to shake that feeling.

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