Went to therapy today and my psychologist pointed out the following:
A year ago I actually started therapy, with a 6 month gap recently. And in the span of one year I somehow managed to:
Leave a chaotic marriage and get a divorce
Leave my home and move into a new one, uprooting all my comforts
Resign from my job
Travel through a foreign country alone
Start a business
Try to recover from an eating disorder during all this chaos
I discussed with her that perhaps I don’t want to recover, its been 10 years that I have been in and out of the constant struggle that is this eating disorder.
She said its because it serves a purpose. It’s there for me and it has a function, its comforting and its a distraction. Until I learn to to feel my anxiety, the disorder will be there. She says I have become really negative, I’m fearful and she could sense my anxiety. She said I couldn’t really expect myself to make a full recovery with so much going on in my life.
Now I need to take things slow… Be gentle with myself and give myself time…