A moved to the big room – Day 5

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Today A moved into his sisters old room – its in the corner of the house far from everything else. It has a bigger bed and a bigger bathroom and a patio 🙂

So we spent the day moving all A’s things. I sleep at his house 6 days away – so now my side of the bed has ornaments and books on instead of rubies cubes and car models.

Stay forever – Day 4

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When he says forever – does he mean forever.

Forever is a long time.

I want him forever.

But forever is a strong weird and I find myself freezing on the inside when he says forever. Its like our hearts are burning like fire when we’re together, but when he says forever I freeze. Because I want to be frozen with him forever, but also because the way he makes me feel terrifies me and I freeze.

Resort Collection 2017 – Day 3

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I’ve decided to do a resort collection.

Excited and feeling inspired.

Financially work is going well and I have some extra money that I want to pump into another collection for two reasons. Firstly because I feel clients are becoming less because the previous collection is now old news lol. Secondly, I need to design and create or I start to feel as if I am stagnating.

Take that ED – Part 15 Day 1,2

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Guess who has been working out almost daily and has actually lost a bit of weight.

In a healthy way with no obsessions.

No restrictions. No negative self talk. No body shaming. No overcompensating.

Just balancing.

Me!

Boom!

Remember that girl – Day 25

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Remember that South African girl that went to Israel to find herself. With no plan and a tent on her back. She hiked around the sea of Galilee, slept on either side of the Jordan river. Hiked in the desert. 

I hardly remember her.

It feels like a different lifetime.

The adventure, the blisters on my feet, the depression, the laughs, the trees and the smells. It all seems like a lifetime ago.

I was so lost and confused I thought – but I was just me all along. I never lost myself. I just discovered new fragments of myself. I just learned and I suffered and I cried in ways I didn’t imagine possible. Not crying tears, but literally crying in my soul.

But I left all the horrors there.

My last night in the desert – I left all that horror and that pain and fear in the Rhamakesh crater at Mitzpe Ramon. I left it all behind.