I only write when everything is just a total and utter fuck up…like it is now.
Let me break it down for y’all…
I broke up with A. Remember him, the sweetest most wonderful man to have crossed the planet? Well, this girl broke his heart.
And then what did I do?
What do you think I did, if you’ve been reading my blog for the past few years then you know me by now and yes I did it again. I found a man almost instantly and fell for him and I fell hard. An yes I know its unhealthy.
But tell me what you would do if you were faced with the sweetest, funniest and attractive man who literally makes you weak in the knees when you kiss him?
You’d fall hard. Thats what you would do. You’d fall hard too.
Fuck I’m too old for this shit!
Sitting in my boyfriends bed – he’s upstairs watching soccer – usually I sit with him and watch but tonight a strange feeling came over me so I’ve come downstairs to write.
I do miss my ex husband sometimes. Like right now, listening to music that we discovered together and loved. Songs we sang to over a glass of wine while I was cooking and he sat on the kitchen counter next to me. The two of us giggling over something and his smile stained a purplish, red from the wine. I do miss those moments.
And I think thats ok and I think its ok to admit it.
For the first time in possibly my whole life, there has been a month where I didn’t stress financially. I’ve never been more secure in myself as I am right now – I finally went back to the gym last week and have stopped eating cake on a daily basis lol.
Things are good.
Of course things with A are perfect. Its been over a year and some how he is still the most incredible person I have ever met and I fall more and more in love with him every day – I know how cliche that sounds! But its true.
So do I miss my ex husband sometimes? Ye of course I do. Is it a big deal however? No, of course not.
Thanks to everyone who still follows and thank you to the new followers that I have gained during my absence – Its been 3 months.
I’ve started a blog for my business and it would mean the world to me if all my loyal followers could check it out 🙂
NEW BLOG FOR THE BUSINESS
You guys have been with me through it all. Through the divorce and the eating disorder and when I decided to start the business. Through this blog I have received so much help with my anxiety especially with everyones comments and posts about their own struggles. I really hope that you will all continue to keep following me on this journey 🙂
A, my boyfriend, for those of you who forgot haha – came home with me to my family for Christmas and it was so wonderful. We’re still together and its been a year guys 🙂 and I fall more and more in love with him even day – I know how cliche that sounds, but its true.
My business is doing well 🙂
It feels like things are going slowly – but they actually aren’t if I look back. If I look back to 3 months ago when I did my last post a lot has happened. And it seems like my business has actually just grown overnight.
- I’ve moved into a new studio and its marvelous
- I got into my first store – and thats why I have been so quiet. I had to design an A/W collection and send all the samples for review and then they liked me 🙂 so I am supplying them for winter for my winter collection. Which is huge because this store holds a lot of the top designers in the country, SA, and to showcase my clothing alongside them is such a blessing.
- I’ve become a huge advocate for the fashion revolution and I’m the official face of the Fashion Revolution at Fashion Week SA which is in a weeks time – this is so super exciting!
- My brother got married and I made my sister in laws dress and she looked absolutely stunning 🙂
Thats about it 🙂 and my hair os blonde now and I still struggle with food and have been to the gym about 5 times this year…eeek
I promise to try my best to post more regularly!
I went to boarding school at the age of 6. I joke about the fact that I haven’t lived at home since I was 5. After school I went to university and lived alone for a while and then with friends. Then I moved to the city and moved in with my ex husband. After the divorce I lived alone again.
I love my family dearly and I would love to see them daily. There is nothing as special and warm as a hug from your mum at the end of the day or laughing at dad jokes. Spending time around the dinner table and watching tv. Its the little things that make family special.
I only get that on weekends and on the holidays.
But now with A’s family I get it all the time.
So many of my friends ask if it isn’t weird that he lives at home still, and I have to hang out with his parents all the time. Well, the answer is a definite No. Strangely, I love it.
I love the warmth, I love the home cooked meals and the way his mom invites me for tea in the afternoons. His dads stories and the way the family bickers every now and then. Its warm and its homely and I spend 5-6 nights a week there, so much time that its started to feel like home.
5km – This is the first time we have ever ran 5km straight with absolutely no walking and going strong. Feeling good, we can do this, easy, peasy.
8km – Water point, awesome, can’t believe we’re still running! I feel like my stomach is going to start running but it must just be the nerves? After 8km’s I’m still nervous and scared?
12km – Bathroom break! Ok it wasn’t nerves, last night lasagna is not agreeing with this running business. I literally have two squares of toilet paper, the poor person after me lol. A thinks its perfectly acceptable to do some walking now seeing that we have run 12km’s straight.
15km – Ok seriously, we’ve been running uphill for the last 3km’s. And my calves are hurting now and its clearly time to walk again and have two little cups of coke at this water point.
18km – Seriously! Whats with the uphill. We’re walking, fuck this shit, there is no way I’m running any further.
19km – No! I’m still walking.
20km – They must be lying, this is clearly 21km’s by now. Please kill me.
20.5km – ‘Come on bunz, its just 500metres, letes run and finish strong’ A says to me. ‘NO, I don’t care, I’m walking’
21km – Its literally 100metres to the finish and we run into the stadium and the crowds cheer. A’s mom and dad shout our names and finally I feel some relief.
21.1km – Got the medal. A and I shared a big kiss and a big hug and the started bitching and moaning about how much our legs and feet hurt lol
Where did the week go and where did the past 3 months go?
Tomorrow is the race and we have hardly trained. Honestly we haven’t even run 5km’s straight once. The last 3 months were meant to be filled with training and races on the weekend – but we hardly did this and we are so unprepared…
Wish us luck!
Today A moved into his sisters old room – its in the corner of the house far from everything else. It has a bigger bed and a bigger bathroom and a patio 🙂
So we spent the day moving all A’s things. I sleep at his house 6 days away – so now my side of the bed has ornaments and books on instead of rubies cubes and car models.
When he says forever – does he mean forever.
Forever is a long time.
I want him forever.
But forever is a strong weird and I find myself freezing on the inside when he says forever. Its like our hearts are burning like fire when we’re together, but when he says forever I freeze. Because I want to be frozen with him forever, but also because the way he makes me feel terrifies me and I freeze.
A and his friends got home at 3am this morning and when we woke up he was so miserable and hungover. I woke up around 7:30 and so did one of his friends so we landed up cleaning the whole house after the disastrous mess after yesterdays party. We had coffee and chatted and landed up going to Krispy Kreme to get everyone donuts. It was awesome – really great getting to know A’s friends more.
A was such a grumpy baby the he landed up going home to sleep in his one bed lol. I stayed at my house and been listening to music in the garden and reading all day and its been amazing 🙂
After A came to bed at 05h00 this morning, we then woke up at 07h00 because we had t run a 10km this morning for training. Needless to say – we only did 5km’s and we walked and A held onto me the whole way, looking as if he was either going to hurl or cry or probably a combination of both.
Another 9 friends came over at 14h00 and hen we started again. With beers and next thing three bottles of gin were gone and we were playing Indian war signs. Its been so much fun having the house to ourselves and being able to host and have everyone over 🙂
Hopped into bed by 21h00 which was amazing – naturally I was slightly annoyed with A because we said we’d spend the night alone but hey – thats life – and him and everyone else went out partying.