Thanks to everyone who still follows and thank you to the new followers that I have gained during my absence – Its been 3 months.
I’ve started a blog for my business and it would mean the world to me if all my loyal followers could check it out 🙂
NEW BLOG FOR THE BUSINESS
You guys have been with me through it all. Through the divorce and the eating disorder and when I decided to start the business. Through this blog I have received so much help with my anxiety especially with everyones comments and posts about their own struggles. I really hope that you will all continue to keep following me on this journey 🙂
A, my boyfriend, for those of you who forgot haha – came home with me to my family for Christmas and it was so wonderful. We’re still together and its been a year guys 🙂 and I fall more and more in love with him even day – I know how cliche that sounds, but its true.
My business is doing well 🙂
It feels like things are going slowly – but they actually aren’t if I look back. If I look back to 3 months ago when I did my last post a lot has happened. And it seems like my business has actually just grown overnight.
- I’ve moved into a new studio and its marvelous
- I got into my first store – and thats why I have been so quiet. I had to design an A/W collection and send all the samples for review and then they liked me 🙂 so I am supplying them for winter for my winter collection. Which is huge because this store holds a lot of the top designers in the country, SA, and to showcase my clothing alongside them is such a blessing.
- I’ve become a huge advocate for the fashion revolution and I’m the official face of the Fashion Revolution at Fashion Week SA which is in a weeks time – this is so super exciting!
- My brother got married and I made my sister in laws dress and she looked absolutely stunning 🙂
Thats about it 🙂 and my hair os blonde now and I still struggle with food and have been to the gym about 5 times this year…eeek
I promise to try my best to post more regularly!
I have just released the lookbook for my latest collection and I hate it.
It isn’t nearly as good as my last collection – it isn’t getting as many likes and people aren’t contacting me.
Who am I kidding to think I can even be a fashion designer? That I can actually make money off this? That people will actually wear my clothes.
I am heading down a negative spiral!
Of course I know how unhealthy these thoughts are and that I need to be kind to myself – but the anxiety is just taking over.
Literally blogging from KrsipyKreme
Resort collection used quite a bit of money…
Today I bought fabrics for my new orders and my bank balance has now slipped into the negatives. Thankfully a very spontaneous woman popped into my studio today and she wants a skirt so thats a tiny bit of money at least. But its not enough to cover medical expenses, pay for my storage unit – where all my furniture from my marriage is just stagnating and sucking up my funds, also the my phone, gym… and so on.
I have 7 days to get in new orders and make money?
So I’m sitting binging on mini Swiss rolls and browsing through my room looking for things that I could potentially sell for some extra cash?
Holding thumbs when the resort collection is released on Monday, I get lots of traffic!
Guess who has been working out almost daily and has actually lost a bit of weight.
In a healthy way with no obsessions.
No restrictions. No negative self talk. No body shaming. No overcompensating.
I guess I need to be proud of that?
Instead of beating myself up for not eating healthy and skipping gym and having parties where I drink a bit too much.
Instead realize how far you’ve come?
I’ll get there. Eventually I will get back to where I want to be and I will be the best version of myself. It hasn’t even been a full year since my divorce was finalized so I guess I cant expect myself to be 100% just yet – and I cant expect myself to be the way I was before it all fell apart. I’ll get there, eventually I’ll get to a place that I am proud of and a routine and lifestyle that I can actually keep up with.
I’m healthy now – mentally I have ups and downs but I am nowhere near where I used to be – mentally I am a different person. I have my own business and while its hard its better than where I was. And the best thing…I have the most wonderful loving boyfriend and I am so grateful for that.
I need routine.
I really struggle without routine, I feel all over the place and as if I have no structure and no direction and everything is just a mess.
But every time I get into a good routine it lasts about 2-3 weeks and then something happens like I get the flu or I go away or I randomly get depressed. Then I have to start all over again and its so frustrating because I think this is pretty much the way my life. Yes I can try keep things more organized but things are inevitably always going to go astray. My mom reckons the fact that I am aware of these patterns is already helpful. So its going to happen and it is what it is – just get back up again.
I suppose she is right.
Today it took me about three hours to actually get out of bed, shower, eat breakfast and actually just get ready to tackle the day. I woke up and I just couldn’t. Something as simple as showering seems as if its as big of a challenge as climbing a mountain.
All I want to do is sleep. But when I lay in bed this morning, not managing to get up, I tried to go back to sleep but I couldn’t. It was as if I had pins and needles in my veins and blood and organs, as if anxiety was in my body and it wasn’t a symptom that I was feeling – it was actually inside me – a part of me. And all I want to do is climb out of my own skin.