Resort collection used quite a bit of money…
Today I bought fabrics for my new orders and my bank balance has now slipped into the negatives. Thankfully a very spontaneous woman popped into my studio today and she wants a skirt so thats a tiny bit of money at least. But its not enough to cover medical expenses, pay for my storage unit – where all my furniture from my marriage is just stagnating and sucking up my funds, also the my phone, gym… and so on.
I have 7 days to get in new orders and make money?
So I’m sitting binging on mini Swiss rolls and browsing through my room looking for things that I could potentially sell for some extra cash?
Holding thumbs when the resort collection is released on Monday, I get lots of traffic!
I spend every night with A usually except Mondays because he plays soccer and then I catch up on all my admin work. It feels strange being in bed alone, I miss him. I’ve become so attached.
I went to gym 6 times last week – whoop whoop! But then didn’t go today because I had strange back pain.
I just had chocolate brownies for dinner – and I don’t feel guilty. Not even a little…
Came home to the farm today.
I don’t know why I am so emotional lately and my mum can sense it. She often asks if I’m ok and I promise her that I am, even though I just want to burst into tears all the time.
Guilt plagues me and I’m constantly scared something is going to happen.
Like a little child, I feel I might get into trouble at any moment.
I don’t know if it’s just the anxiety from starting a new relationship and a business. Or if its because a year ago my life fell apart and the trauma is effecting me now. Maybe a combination of everything.
I didn’t do much today, I didn’t do nearly as much as I wanted and that’s ok.
I binged a lot.
Yeah so this happened.
I don’t know whether to laugh or cry.
Naturally I restricted all day.
An eating disorder takes up so much energy. It’s such a waste of energy to abuse your body, talk down to your body and hate your image.
Binge and purge on chocolate chip cookies and now eating pancakes with cinnamon and honey.
And I’m like ‘fuck it fatty, just keep eating’
Escaping to Jordan at the Israeli and Jordan boarder.
First day of my volunteering, spending the day at the hostel until 3 and then off to explore Katzrin and get some groceries.
Baked chocolate chip cookies and had three! Ugh! Now that’s lunch I guess. Maybe in two hours or so I will have lunch.