Sitting in my boyfriends bed – he’s upstairs watching soccer – usually I sit with him and watch but tonight a strange feeling came over me so I’ve come downstairs to write.
I do miss my ex husband sometimes. Like right now, listening to music that we discovered together and loved. Songs we sang to over a glass of wine while I was cooking and he sat on the kitchen counter next to me. The two of us giggling over something and his smile stained a purplish, red from the wine. I do miss those moments.
And I think thats ok and I think its ok to admit it.
For the first time in possibly my whole life, there has been a month where I didn’t stress financially. I’ve never been more secure in myself as I am right now – I finally went back to the gym last week and have stopped eating cake on a daily basis lol.
Things are good.
Of course things with A are perfect. Its been over a year and some how he is still the most incredible person I have ever met and I fall more and more in love with him every day – I know how cliche that sounds! But its true.
So do I miss my ex husband sometimes? Ye of course I do. Is it a big deal however? No, of course not.
When last did you throw up from drinking too much?
It has been such a long time ago that I cannot even recall. But because I haven’t been drinking lately for the marathon training, I got pissed and I got sick and it happened quickly.
A and I came home to the farm to visit my family and we spent the night with my parents and had so much fun that the drinks just kept flowing and my dad and I were singing duets.
It was fantastic
I went to boarding school at the age of 6. I joke about the fact that I haven’t lived at home since I was 5. After school I went to university and lived alone for a while and then with friends. Then I moved to the city and moved in with my ex husband. After the divorce I lived alone again.
I love my family dearly and I would love to see them daily. There is nothing as special and warm as a hug from your mum at the end of the day or laughing at dad jokes. Spending time around the dinner table and watching tv. Its the little things that make family special.
I only get that on weekends and on the holidays.
But now with A’s family I get it all the time.
So many of my friends ask if it isn’t weird that he lives at home still, and I have to hang out with his parents all the time. Well, the answer is a definite No. Strangely, I love it.
I love the warmth, I love the home cooked meals and the way his mom invites me for tea in the afternoons. His dads stories and the way the family bickers every now and then. Its warm and its homely and I spend 5-6 nights a week there, so much time that its started to feel like home.
Where did the week go and where did the past 3 months go?
Tomorrow is the race and we have hardly trained. Honestly we haven’t even run 5km’s straight once. The last 3 months were meant to be filled with training and races on the weekend – but we hardly did this and we are so unprepared…
Wish us luck!
Today A moved into his sisters old room – its in the corner of the house far from everything else. It has a bigger bed and a bigger bathroom and a patio 🙂
So we spent the day moving all A’s things. I sleep at his house 6 days away – so now my side of the bed has ornaments and books on instead of rubies cubes and car models.
When he says forever – does he mean forever.
Forever is a long time.
I want him forever.
But forever is a strong weird and I find myself freezing on the inside when he says forever. Its like our hearts are burning like fire when we’re together, but when he says forever I freeze. Because I want to be frozen with him forever, but also because the way he makes me feel terrifies me and I freeze.
After A came to bed at 05h00 this morning, we then woke up at 07h00 because we had t run a 10km this morning for training. Needless to say – we only did 5km’s and we walked and A held onto me the whole way, looking as if he was either going to hurl or cry or probably a combination of both.
Another 9 friends came over at 14h00 and hen we started again. With beers and next thing three bottles of gin were gone and we were playing Indian war signs. Its been so much fun having the house to ourselves and being able to host and have everyone over 🙂
Hopped into bed by 21h00 which was amazing – naturally I was slightly annoyed with A because we said we’d spend the night alone but hey – thats life – and him and everyone else went out partying.
We’re housesitting for my aunt and uncle until Sunday and its great, we’re so excited 🙂
One of A’s best friends, Matty, as just come back from Kenya and we haven’t seen him for bout 3 months so he came and crashed our romantic dinner. We landed up drinking 5 bottles of wine between the three of us and sat on the veranda watching the storm pass until 01h00 in the morning.
We were making jokes that we probably all going to have to move into a house together one day. Me and A and all his friends because no other woman seems to put up with them 🙂 was so sweet.
I love all those boys so much.
What makes everything so special with A is the immense amount of trust I feel when I am with him. The way he makes me feel so safe, as if no harm will ever come near me when I am with him. It was already 2 months ago that we tried for the first time and after having a few cocktails, going down on him in the car on our way home, it felt like it was time to try again.
It was magical. It was special, he was so kind and gentle and loving, even more than our first time. We kissed slowly, he put music on and undressed me slowly, staring into each others eyes all the while. It was tight and slow and erotic but so romantic at the same time. We smiled at each other every so often, he kissed my forehead, we held hands and he whispered ‘you’re so special’ and he asked if I was ok. We looked deeply into each others eyes, I squeezed his hands and he kissed my back softly when he finished inside me. He is so special and magical and I never want to leave his side.
We ran our first 10km this morning – and we have 3 weeks until the 1/2 marathon lol
How the hell are we going to run 21 kilometres