Settling in – Day 9 

  
 
You walk and you walk and you walk.

I thought I would reflect and think about my ex husband, about my divorce and my current relationship. My future, what my plans are because I currently have no job. I live in a tiny room behind my uncles house. 

But I don’t contemplate these things. 

I focus on my steps and the wind and the view. My sore feet, the straps of my backpack digging into my skin, shoulders red. Where will I sleep tonight? Will I see anyone camping or will I be alone again? 

Here and now and survival. 

That’s all I think about really.

I have pitched my tent at Ha’on and I have a beautiful view of the Sea of Galilee, opposite me, across the ocean I see the city lights of Tiberius where I woke up yesterday. 

I’m settling in. I’m making pasta and I’m writing for the first time and I am feeling calm.

I am content. 

Looking forward to snuggling in my sleeping bag 😊

Strangely enough, I actually love cooking – Day 3

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Today was better at work, I was more comfortable and I felt a little more in control. I was actually starting to get used to being there and get used to being home.

Last night I lay in bed and I couldn’t sleep, for a few hours I tossed and I turned. Worrying about the Kibbutz because I hadn’t heard back yet, the Kibbutz is my out at the moment. If the Kibbutz doesn’t happen then I don’t know what will. Worried about him because he has become so distant. Worried about my relationship with my boss.

I made the decision that tomorrow evening when I meet him for dinner, I am going to end our relationship. Is relationship even the right word? I don’t know.

Eating wise wasn’t great. I binged on ice cream in the afternoon. I went to the farm at about 17h00 to spend the night. We landed up having such a fun spontaneous night! Made pizza and pasta and had wine and then chocolate and then we even had liqueurs.

My mum, dad, my brother and me. My happy place, on the farm.