Happy Divorcaversary – 4 December

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Its exactly a year to the day that my divorce decree was granted in the courts and all was finalized.

I was standing on a mountain in Mossel Bay with N and we kissed and he said ‘Here’s to no longer living in adultery’ and we laughed and hugged.

Then it was over.

Just like that – a judge signs the papers and 3.5 years is dissolved – just like that.

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You’ve been served – Day 23

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I have a court date.

YAY!

4th December 2015, if all goes well, that will be the day that it all comes to a close.

So this is a little something I wrote

its not just you
i’m hurt too

to who do you compare me
recreating old me

i used to feel protection from your touch
now you find me too much

if i’m your beloved then why don’t i fit here,
we lay together but we feel so alone

and i’ll never go home again
i’ve lost me, i’ve lost you and i’ve lost them

and i’ve never felt so alone
it feels so scary getting old

i’m the one you tell your fears to
i live in this hollow ground with you

and i called your name three times tonight
you said you’d get a knife and slit to prove you were right

if i stay in this love i will kill myself
you said those words and i just wanted to keep us alive

favourite friend
the tables turned and its over its the end

nothing’s wrong but nothings right
I feel we need something else to hold onto tonight

all the things we do for fun
are starting to make us come undone

She is back after 6 years haunting my insides
Your drinking has stolen your pride

its not just you
im hurt too

There is no space and there is no sound
Stranded and the electric fence is snapping again

and I’ve killed a pot plant
i’m crying and you’ve bled dry in your heart

words stabbing like knives
like drinking poison and eating glass.

all that remains is my soul in the rain
this hollow shell staring at you all the same
my black heart
there’s a fork in the road

maybe its time to let it go
maybe its time for me to go home

you go left and i’ll go right,
no i’ll go left, because you’re always right

I remember when my voice caught flames
You said I’d lost my brains

I screamt and your eyes went wide
and we always said it was ok

this is a battle
you think i’m a constant hassle

you staring into my eyes making accusations
about affairs and other relations

you’ve imagined others
now you blame me for lies you’ve imagined

you live in black and white
im wrong and you’re right

and all i have to give you is me
all i have to face this world is me

now somethings telling me to run
you staring at me with a paper gun

You’ve asked for papers so many times
all we are is signing on the bottom line

all these years gone by
no lies now we losing time

you take what you lose
you do what you choose

i’ll take all the blame
i cant live in

tell them it was me
just me

here I am
I said ‘Here I am’

i’m fighting for the right
to release myself from this fight

its not just you
im hurt too

i’ll take all the blame
tell them it was me

just me
it was all just me