I get lost in you – Day 6


I saw him, he was at Christmas yesterday and we hardly spoke even. We spent the night in the same bed and didn’t speak and didn’t even kiss. We know it’s over, there is nothing to say. We lay staring into each others eyes this morning, kissing softly.

If all works out with the Kibbutz, I will be leaving first. On 30th of April it is my best friends’s wedding and he will be there. That is when we will see each other again.

He told me to visit him in New York – do I hold onto this hope that we will be.


We made each other feel hope again.

We made each other feel whole again.

We are all entitled to our own views and opinions, but you do not have the right to make shit up about people and then oppress them with the shit you made up- Day 25


So calling my husband for his birthday yesterday was an epic fail. Whilst I felt content about our relationship. He felt the opposite.

So since yesterday afternoon I have been bombarded with mail and been called the following – notice that all this name calling is coming from someone who is not emotionally abusive, instead very loving and caring:

You ruined my birthday by calling me. You have put me into a dark depression. You are a liar and a user and you will be exposed for who you truly are.You are a coward.You are mentally ill You’ve been playing the innocent victim to your friends and family. You developed an interest in someone else and discarded me to pursue this interest. I’m not saying you cheated on me. You lived a double life Danielle there are things I know about that you do not know I know about. Danielle people are going to see your true colours in time. You are very ill. You are damaged. I feel deeply deeply sorry for whoever suffers from your cruelty. I sincerely feel sorry for any honest decent human being that experiences the pain your evil causes. They deserve my love – not you. I feel desperately sorry for the poor person that falls in love with your emptiness.

I don’t care what is going on in your life, you don’t speak to people in this manner. No one has the right to think they know anyone better than they know themselves. No one has the right to treat people this way.

Bliss – Day 19, 20, 21, 22


The view is stunning.

We take long walks on the beach and share ice cream.

We cook dinner over a glass of wine.

He sleeps soundly on the couch.

We stare into each others.

We hold hands and kiss and explore.

Slight anxiety because I never want this holiday to end.

I want to stay locked in the haze with him.

OOPS – Day 15


First of all, my boss paid the rest of my salary today! She didn’t even mention that I wasn’t at work yesterday or anything about my raise. So YAY now I have money.


Last night we went to the school function and then Andrew and I decided to have dinner and then we went for a lovely walk and made out and landed up in our underwear in the park! I wont lie, I had a lovely time, we had so much fun just chatting and hanging out. Kissing him felt amazing, we walked around a labyrinth and sat on the park bench chatting and kissing. There was a full moon and there were cold grey clouds hiding the stars.

I lifted my arms and he took my dress off slowly. We kissed and stopped every so often and looked into each others eyes, his beautiful soft brown eyes. He isn’t particularly sensual and he isn’t particularly good with his hands either, but it was ok. It was nice, it was nice being with him and kissing him and looking into his eyes. It’s nice how he doesn’t care about my past or about what I am going through, he doesn’t mind the confusion. He understands and gets that I’m in a confusing space, he knows about everything and we open about it.

I want to see him again.

There’s just something about us. We aren’t the same, we from two different worlds. I’m slightly crazy, philosophical and anxious. He is cool, calm and in control and tries to live in the moment. I take life too seriously and he assures me that its just a journey we on and its ok to be selfish. I have to be selfish.

I want to kiss him.

Will you catch me when I fall – Day 9


We met for breakfast because we both had a lot to do so wanted to see each other early just in case we missed each other. Landed up having breakfast, and then going to the movies and then lunch and drinks and I got home at 17:30.

It was wonderful. I fall more and more every minute for him and I am horrified. Next week we are going on holiday and I cannot wait! Its going to be wonderful to be alone just the two of us, relaxing on the beach. Being away from all the drama that is going on here with my divorce and the death of his friend and his ex girlfriend and work and my pressure from resigning and trying to figure out where the hell I will be going to next.

So excited, so scared of how hard I am falling.

It’s like driving down a dead end street and no one is going to turn around until we reach the end and are forced to…