Remember that girl – Day 25

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Remember that South African girl that went to Israel to find herself. With no plan and a tent on her back. She hiked around the sea of Galilee, slept on either side of the Jordan river. Hiked in the desert. 

I hardly remember her.

It feels like a different lifetime.

The adventure, the blisters on my feet, the depression, the laughs, the trees and the smells. It all seems like a lifetime ago.

I was so lost and confused I thought – but I was just me all along. I never lost myself. I just discovered new fragments of myself. I just learned and I suffered and I cried in ways I didn’t imagine possible. Not crying tears, but literally crying in my soul.

But I left all the horrors there.

My last night in the desert – I left all that horror and that pain and fear in the Rhamakesh crater at Mitzpe Ramon. I left it all behind.

Home – Day 7

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Came back to the farm today. Going back home tomorrow and looking forward to it.

Spoke to A on the phone and he said it was so nice to hear my voice again and it was amazing to hear his. His words ‘we’re never going away without each other again, its such a nightmare, I miss you too much’. How adorable – I’m grinning like a fool.

I cannot wait to see him.

I’m so excited!

Lions – Day 5

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We went to have dinner in the veld this evening and it was roaring – literally!

On our way we passed this guy (photographed above) and his brother – and little did we know that e would meet again…

We started the fire, put out our camping chairs and the gin and tonics were flowing. Its our last night here so we all left the lodge for a little quiet time.

Laughing and chatting – the elephants were drinking at the water merely 15metres away from us and the sun was setting. It was picturesque.

Then there was a roar.

My dad and his friend concluded that the raw was still miles away and we had at least 30 minutes or so until they even near us. So we continued dipping the most fantastic freshly baked bread into olive oil and balsamic vinegar. Laughing and joking about how the lions were close and we might land up just eating the bread in the car. So we put the meat on the fire, lamb chops and chicken kebabs and we pour more drinks.

Then there was a roar.

‘Ok, no, I’m getting into the car – that thing is close’ I said shaking my head and picked up my drink.

‘I’m coming with you’ my mom said hurriedly and followed me while the rest were laughing.

Not a minute later and the other three were in the car with us and the roars got louder and louder. We drove around a little – meat still on the fire – and stumbled across the two male lions that were wandering around, probably a mere kilometre from our dinner.

The Kalahari desert heat – Day 3

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Helped my dad all day with the water pump and filtering and so on.

It is so hot here – I literally stick my head under a tap every hour to wet my hair and cool me down. There are times where I want to throw a toddler tantrum – thats how hot it is.

Elephants LOVE! Saw lots of babies but was too difficult to take nice pictures 😦

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Back in Nam – Day 2

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So we’re in Namibia and its so hot I feel as if I could melt.

The lodge is absolutely incredible. It’s own by a family friend – he has been friends with my parents since they were about 20 or so and I therefore have known him my whole life. He’s one of my many dads 🙂

We are welcomed with iced tea and shown to our rooms which are massive. The room is twice the size of my house and the bath is incredible, I could swim laps in it.

And…

There adorable hippos swimming in th river right in front of my room 🙂

Now I miss A and I would give anything to have him here with me 😦

Holidaying with the folks – PART 14 – Day 1

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We just spent 12 hours in the car!

Driving from South Africa through Botswana and tomorrow we get to Namibia.

Tonight we staying at a lodge called ‘Guma Lagoon’ outside Gumar, in Botswana. Its on the Okavango delta and its absolutely magnificent.

Pressure – Day 21

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A has made it quite clear that he wants to take things slow and I really need to take things slow.

I however don’t know what thats like. I know how to be in a couple, because for the past 5 years of my life, I’ve been in a couple. I don’t know how to plan things without my partner and I don’t know how to be chill. I have no idea.

My parents have an opportunity to take me with to Namibia for a mini holiday and for business and they’ve invited A to come with. He however has booked for a festival that weekend with friends. Now I naturally want him to come with me to Namibia. But can I ask him to cancel with his friends? Can I ask him to choose me? Well yes of course I can but its only been almost 6 months that we’ve been dating – soooo?

Am I moving to fast now?

Can I ask him to join me, if he says no, I’ll be upset? Of course my mum already said surely he can cancel a trip with friends for a trip to a different country? Well yes, mum he can, but should he?

My anxiety is eating me up alive.

I cant do this. I just cant. I want everything to be simple. I want to be single or married. I cant do this dating thing.

Remember the first time you saw snow – Day 20

For me – I was 26 years old and it was in January this year in Istanbul, Turkey.

And it was magic.

The day that I touched down in Istanbul, Ataturk airport at 05:55am on a Tuesday morning. I will never ever forget it.

I had no plan, just booked into a hotel and walked through the city. My hair soaked, my clothes soaked and by the end of the day even my socks were sopping wet and I had to land up buying more long sleeve shirts because I was not prepared.

I grew up on a farm, in the heat. And snow has always been such a foreign concept to me. Until today I still have never seen snow that is really deep and really thick. But I saw some snow in Istanbul and I will never ever forget that day.

It will always remain one of the happiest days of my life 🙂