I launched my collection today!
It was the scariest moment ever. Its so hard to put yourself out there creatively. All the criticism that you’ll receive on work that is so close to your soul. It was as if I was baring my soul to everyone when I launch it – I had so many mixed emotions.
Excited of course but horrified.
The fear I felt was unreal and the uncertainty was debilitating. I kept thinking to myself that I was being ridiculous. The voices in my head kept saying ‘your’e not good enough’ and ‘no one will like your clothes’ and things like ‘you’re not even talented, who do you think you are to even call yourself a designer and embark on this journey’.
‘You’re not good enough’
The voices just kept going and I didn’t even stop them and I didn’t fight them. I merely listened to them and said ‘I hear you, but I’m going to do it anyway’. And I did 🙂 and the response has been amazing!
If you wanna check it out – check my Facebook page for the collection:
Today was my shoot for my Spring/Summer Collection.
It was awesome and now I am so exhausted, from all the emotions – because Danielle cant do anything without it turning into a roller coaster of emotions. Also because the shoot took 5 hours!
The model was so lovely and the photographer too – they absolutely loved my clothes which was amazing because I judge myself so harshly that I often stop to think about the actual designs and the work – I just think about the fact that its my work and I already see a thousand flaws. But seeing the clothes today with them, and viewing everything through fresh eyes made me feel a bit proud of it all.
My mom also came to the city, 500km’s away to help with my shoot and support me which was so incredibly special 🙂 she brought wine and we all made a toast.
Such a special day.
Tomorrow is my photo shoot and I’m really excited but really nervous!
Today was the fitting with my model for the photoshoot and the clothes looked absolutely stunning on her.
For the first time in a long time I actually got excited about it all. My clothing actually inspired me again because it was as if I was looking at everything through fresh eyes again.
So I haven’t written all week because this week has been so difficult.
I’m not good at being harsh and hard. I want to be nice and sweet and help everyone.
Today however I had to ask my friend to leave our studio because she has missed rent two months in a row and has made 4 garments in our collection when I have made 9.
I’ve hardly slept all week, worrying about this and now its over.
And now I have to do everything on my own. Both collections on my own!
And I have lost so much money doing this deal with her and so much time 😦 feeling defeated and sad and scared for the future.
In therapy today my psychologist pointed out that I always give people the power. I don’t take the lead even when its my right.
With work for example, I put all the power into my partners hands and don’t take control of the situation.
I’m always afraid of being the bad one. So I’ll let people take advantage of me over and over again all in the name of being a ‘nice person?
I do it at work and in relationships and basically every day life.
She suggested to listen to my body. If I have to make a decision I should always go with my gut – whether that outcome benefits the other person or not. Because in the end I’m just hurting myself…
Only a month and a half ago I started my own business and I’m sharing the studio space with an ex colleague and friend.
We’re also doing a ready to wear collection together.
She missed rent last month…
Today she found out she is three months pregnant.
Babies are awesome. But when they unplanned its tricky. And when its someone you working with and they owe you money its even more tricky…
Because babies play on my emotions. And now I don’t know how to be business like and get the money.
I still cant get used to saying that!
Maybe because I am making no money or because its still all so surreal and I do feel as if I am just playing the fool.
Our collection is coming along slowly but surely and I’ve made a range of jackets that my mom is going to try sell which will be great.
I am scared I will admit. Scared of failing and possibly even more afraid of succeeding.
Today is my last day at my part time job and I couldn’t be happier.
This past three weeks really haven’t been the best.
In hindsight I shouldn’t have taken the job. I should have believed in myself, and believed that I would make enough money running my own business. But I was scared, so I got something on the side to give me a stable income.
I’m really struggling at work.
I think I was a little in over my head when I took the job. The woman that was in the position before me was working at the company for 15 years. I’ve only been working for 3 years.
I’m not meeting the deadlines. I’m working too slowly and I am clearly not experienced enough for this job. It’s fast paced and I’m struggling to keep up.
I just feel disappointed in myself…and it makes me sad and I just want to cry every time I think about it.
It makes me feel like a failure.